The Day Temari swore off underwear
by Edlama
Summary: Temari can't find her favorite pair of knickers. It shows up on a VERY unexpected place. Sandsib fic, Crack,Cross-dressing, mentions of ShikaTema, mentions of NaruGaa


**Beta'ed By The Number One Amazement Wonder Beta, Prism0467! **

**Warnings: Yaoi, crossdressing. Complain about it later and I'll just laugh at your stupidity.**

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**The Day Temari Swore Off Underwear**

Temari really wasn't one for household chores. She was a killer kunoichi, a master in military tactics and a subtle diplomat-in-training, but she severely lacked any talent, or even taste, for domestic matters.

However, being the big sister of two teenage boys, there were some basic, no, _survival_ skills that were needed from her, like the ability to determine the state of her brothers' clothes.

She respected them as shinobi but they _were_ males, and she had discovered to her horror if confronted with no available clean underwear, that instead of washing any, Kankuro would wear the used ones inside out and backwards until he turned them all into nice little chemical weapons, and Gaara would not hesitate to go commando under his Kage robes. So she had taken it upon herself to regularly harass a maid (she wasn't about to actually do the washing herself) when her siblings' supplies were starting to get low.

That's how she noticed that recently something was wrong with Gaara's stock of undies. Rather, it was not decreasing as quickly as usual.

There was also something wrong with her own supplies. She was longer to notice it since she usually did not pay much attention to her underwear but, well, Nara Shikamaru was actually staying in Suna and so she had wanted to wear her 'special pieces' for him.

After an hour of fruitless searching round her drawer, she had only found the bra of her newest black and frilly _ensemble_, the lacy boxers seemingly being nowhere to be found; and she observed that several of her other pieces were not matched correctly. She finally settled for taking another pair of black boxers, which pissed her off because they were not matching exactly and she just _knew_ that she would be self-conscious about it, even if Shikamaru was likely not to notice because a) as a man he did not notice or care about matching underwear or b) she was likely not going to wear them long enough for him to have a good look.

Her logical mind refused to draw any parallel between the stability of Gaara's underwear stock and her own missing pieces. It was not ready for that. But reality was a hard bitch; and Temari was abruptly confronted by it when later that same day, the blond kunoichi glimpsed something black, frilly and horribly _familiar_ peeking out of her younger brother's waistband.

At first she could only stare, frozen in shock. Her brother had just been taking off the blue and white Kazekage robes, revealing the gray pants and mesh shirt he wore beneath, and it was when he bent to put his gourd on the floor that she saw them.

"What?"

It was Gaara. He probably had been unnerved by her blank staring. Or maybe the place she was staring at.

_Ignore it,_ her mind wisely adviced her. _You probably saw wrong anyway... it was a play of the light... or something. No way you're going to talk to your little brother about his undies, right?_

Instead, she heard her mouth blurt something like:

"Erm... Gaara, it's... er... you don't happen to wear my boxers, do you?"

She watched with a detached sense of horror the young man's face turning first ashen, then a beet-root red even deeper than his hair. He slumped into his seat and stuttered a while before managing to croak:

"Yes."

Temari waited a couple of minutes to see if he was going to elaborate, but when nothing else came, asked:

"Why?"

The young Kage hung his head. "They make me feel pretty."

Temari nearly wailed then. First and foremost, because ever since Gaara had been made Kazekage and even more after Shukaku had been removed, she had hoped for her brother to live a happy and normal life and somehow, walking around in women's underwear did not seem like a good milestone in the road of normalcy.

And second, she loved those boxers, and that little brat had probably ruined them for her! Now she'd have to let them soak in soapy water for one week and forgot about them for a while before being able to wear them again, if ever. And it just wouldn't be the same. She would never feel sexy for Shikamaru in those anymore.

She eyed her younger brother, taking in the dropped shoulders, the lowered gaze and the general air of shame around him and her anger deflated as quickly as it had appeared.

What did she care about a pair of knickers? She'd just have to wash them. And what if her brother felt...argh... _pretty_... wearing them? Considering that his previous hobby had been to make living (no, really, dead) sand castles with people, it was certainly an improvement! She must be a supportive big sister!

"Gaara?"

Her brother stared warily at her. "Yes?"

"You can't wear my underwear."

Again his eyes drooped. "I understand."

"We'll buy you your own."

"I... what?"

Temari took her hands from her hips and pointed a finger toward the redhead's face. The slightly widened eyes crossed a bit to look at the finger hovering inches from his nose.

"First," she enunciated. "Because I need mine. Second," She raised another finger, "they probably don't suit you. They're a couple sizes too big, and black is not as much your colour as burgundy. We'll find you something really nice; I know just the shops for that. Trust your Onee-san on this!"

Gaara looked at the fingers before his eyes that were now forming a V, and the wide smile of his sister. His gaze softened, and he whispered "Thank you, nee-san."

"Ah, don't talk about it", she said. A pensive look crossed her face. "Does Kankurou know about this?"

Gaara smiled. "We sort of ran into each other while he was raiding your make-up cabinet. I don't think he minded either."

_God, my little brothers are such freaks. _The kunoichi snorted. "He won't, as long as it's not his affairs that are being threatened. Hasn't changed much since his fourth birthday on that point. And many others."

The young Kage nodded and looked downward, an embarrassed blush spreading on his face as he pointed at his waist. "Do you... _er_... want that pair back?"

Temari fought back a wince. "No", she said in a –hopefully- even voice, "you can keep them."

He looked suspiciously relieved at these words. "Alright."

"But it's too bad, really." she winked at her brother. "They're very nice, Shikamaru loves them."

"I know. So does Naruto." Gaara immediately put his hand over his mouth, and then groaned.

Temari stood frozen in shock for the second time that day, her left eye twitching.

Fuck Shikamaru. Fuck the washing. She was going to burn every fucking piece of underwear she owned.

-The End-

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**Okay, technically, this is –was- my first fanfiction written in english evah. However, a little more than a year after posting it, the mistakes were a bit too glaring obvious for my trained eye. So I asked Marley_Station (who goes by Prism0467 here) to beta'ed it for me, and even though it was not a novelty and she has herself awesome stories to write, she accepted. So, Thanks a lot, Marley!**


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